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| Peace...
i have moved to the blogger site... it's just so much prettier. i am pretty sure i've lost all my readers, so this won't affect that many people, but if you do want to check it out, it's here:
http://notevenshallow.blogspot.com/
i will try to blog more regularly from now on. thanks readers! (all three of you out there!) | | |
| Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God
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| age 0-2. sangjoo. life was a blur. i mean, a human brain at this stage is really not all that different than the brain of a penguin, is it? i think it helped me to cry when hungry and giggle when happy.
age 2-5. sangjoo. all my energy was spent chasing dragon flies and catching little fish in emerald green streams of sangjoo. everything made me happy and everything else made me cry. it was great. no worries. no decisions. no responsibilities. i had my first crush at the latter end of this age. yup. it's true. as i recall, the girl kinda liked me too.
age 6-7. seoul. spent a year in seoul without dad at home. chickenpox. a lot of constipation problems. my sister felt her nose cartilage and started to cry thinking it was a button stuck up her nose. went to a pharmacist who took out a flash light to confirm that there was nothing there that didn't belong. spent a lot of time with my cousins. it was great.
age 7-12. pusan. age 8 - peed in my pants when a person surprised me from behind while playing hide and seek; got slapped on the face by a teacher, who later came to apologize to my parents. it was a bit awkward afterwards. age 9 - biggest birthday party ever. age 10 - spent summers catching bees with bare hands. got stung a couple of times. stopped doing that. age 12 - my dog named jjong-jjong disappeared. i suspect it was kidnapped and eaten by people who were hungry and drunk. those koreans. barbarians.
age 12. moved to usa. saw the most beautiful thing ever from the airplane on my way there. the golden moon suspended above a carpet of white clouds beaming brightly.
age 12-14. middle school. puberty. awkward (even more than i am now). yup. not good over all. not good.
age 14-18. high school. tried really hard to be cool, and in trying, became uncool. met a friend. participated in giving a kid swirly during our prom. felt bad about it at first, but started to enjoy the idea of it. very very confused, but didn't know i was confused.
age 18-22. college. less confused, but still very confused. figured out that i liked being korean. and american. settled on being a hyphenated person. (age 19. my cousin commited suicide. very confused. no, upset, no, angry. had to figure things out. i think i'm just getting over this completely.)
22-29. honduras, more school, london. learning important lessons. started to make decisions that will affect the rest of my life. very happy but still searching.
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30-40 i hope to have stopped searching. find exactly what i want to do for the rest of my life. find the person i want to spend that life with and get married to her. kids. two biological and one adopted. i hope to love them exactly the same. less confusion.
40-50 work hard. watch kids grow. all searching and confusion stop. enjoy work. enjoy family.
50-60 kids graduate from college. maybe one of them will get married!
60-70 i don't know how to think this far ahead. stopped working officially. unofficially do lots of cool things. perhaps spend 2-5 years doing some overseas mission work with the pension money.
70-80. die and go to heaven.
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"not my will, but yours be done." | | |
| her hand felt so light in mine. it was as if i was holding fingers of a baby. slender and so uncertain. in contrast, my big brown fingers felt to me like a beast's. so i wanted to keep them in mine as long as i could, but guilt slowly crept into my conscience. after all, the chilly wind howled around the park making all exposed skin frigid and stiff. 'her hand must be getting blue...', i thought. but i still didn't want to let it go. it was selfishness, but the heat her hand radiated in mine felt so nice. | | |
| you know, i really tried to coexist together with you.
i mean, i didn't care that you would scuffle around the trash bin, scavenging for food. i didn't really mind if you ate a bit of the garbage left around the can. i didn't want them, and that's why i threw them away. i wasn't even all that upset when you chewed through the ramen noodle package. after all, you're a hungry animal. that's what you're supposed to do. but yesterday, you carried it too far. you gnawed away half of a chocolate candy bar. but that wasn't it. listen carefully, for i want you to know the reason why i decided to kick your a**.
you, you pooped all over the kitchen counter! you left your black droppings all over the kitchen table and forced me to wipe it clean. it's just disgusting what you did. you should have known better.
you're going to pay for this. with your death.
'Yesterday, November 03, 2008 - a date which will live in infamy - the kitchen table was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the mice of the holcroft court.... as commander in chief of the peaceful flat of 241 holcroft court, i have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. but always will the whole world remember the character of the onslaught against us...' (borrowed from fdr). | | |
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